ever since wee bee left psychopath ex-husband, wee bee has struggled with post traumatic stress disorder. at first, it crept up on her. although she didn’t understand what was going on, she got to the point, eventually, where she was completely agoraphobic and couldn’t leave the house. she had a panic attack every time she left and had to interact with anybody else in any way. her pulse would jump to twice it’s normal rate, sometimes higher, and she’d start sweating profusely. wee bee avoided everything. she avoided shows that were too intense when she was at home. she avoided the phone. she sat in her house alone, freaking out. when dog bee died, things were only that much worse. wee bee was convinced her ex was going to track her down and kill her.
after about a year of therapy and medication and almost a year after dog bee died, wee bee was convinced into going to a shelter and there she met and adopted wolf bee. having such a large, protective, and yet fiercely loving dog helped wee bee enormously. she was finally able to go out more, have people over, and even get a job. eventually, her mental state started calming down to the point where she was, for the most part, functioning like a normal individual.
and then she was raped at a wedding.
although wee bee took solace in the fact that she didn’t remember due to being drugged, the whole thing fucked with her more than she could have predicted. not helping anything was the fact that the one person who had power to help wee bee in the situation, the maid of dishonor at the wedding, chose to cover things up, act like it was wee bee who had done something wrong, and had the nerve to demand money and answers to personal questions for *dealing* with wee bee after it all went down. wee bee’s trust of other people, finally starting to come back around, was shattered.
something else wildly unexpected also happened: wee bee was embarrassed. the only people she told were ashley bee and her therapist, and even then she felt extreme remorse as if she had facilitated the whole thing by taking that one half of a drink. the entire situation was rock-bottom soul-crushing.
wee bee’s ptsd came back fivefold. she was terrified of intimacy, she didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything, and she became so afraid of everything again that she missed work whenever she was scheduled to work at a time that would have put her leaving after dark. she was a mess.
nearly a year after it all went down, wee bee knows just how severely the event effected her, even though she refused to admit it at the time. she missed work and eventually, lost her job. she spazzed out on a student who she felt was displaying stalker-ish behavior, and missed more work to avoid him. she freaked on a regular basis over things that really weren’t that big of deals, and she disintegrated into the biggest recluse as she had ever been, afraid and mistrusting even of the relationships she’d had for years. people whom wee bee could, in fact, trust with her life, became no different than strangers who wee bee struggled to talk to.
wee bee has thought a lot since that day about people who rape. she doesn’t know what causes it, but hopes it’s something fixable. if it’s a mental fixation, she believes people who have the desire to rape other individuals should seek counseling to deal with the intrusive thoughts and redirect them. wee bee doesn’t want to fall into the pit of saying that all rapists should die, even though that’s often how she feels. saying that doesn’t actually address the problem. saying that men should be raised to know that rape is wrong is a step in the right direction, but doesn’t address what underlies the decision to rape either. rape isn’t just about sex. it can’t be. people who rape other people don’t just want sex, that much should be obvious. and from all of wee bee’s many struggles with mental health, she knows a little about intrusive thoughts and how difficult they can be to ignore or shake. if rape is a similar problem, we need to allow individuals to address it as a problem that can, and very much needs to be, talked about and worked through so that rape can be understood as the life-altering, deathly, atrocious crime against humanity it is and actually prevented.
wee bee isn’t sure how other people will react to this statement. it isn’t the usual, that much is for certain. but the usual clearly isn’t working to protect women, and society needs to accept that simply having a “rapists should die” stance isn’t going to do anything to stop those who have thoughts of rape from becoming those who rape.
please, if you have any thoughts, feelings, or comments, please respond to this post. let’s open up the discussion on rape and those who rape. let’s approach the problem head on.